Number 4 Most Overrated Musical Act of All Time: Nirvana

Enough already. I was there. I was alive during this time. I remember the truth, not the hazy re-invention that MTV news and the subsequent generation of music “journalists” have foisted upon the world. Nirvana was a “meh” band at its best. Like all bands in the punk and neo-punk variety, they deliberately eschewed artistic excellence for volume, distortion, and the right dress code. As such, it's yet another example of "style" over "substance." It was a way of extending a middle finger to the culture at large, not creating something excellent. They barely played music at all, and the self-centered jerk who fronted the band should have been embarrassed to call himself a guitar player, which he was certainly not. Worse, only a small fraction of our generation truly cared about them—until Cobain offed himself, and Kurt Loder and the marketing machine ratcheted up the “dead genius” myth to 11. I remember sitting there watching Loder’s faux sadness on tv and thinking to myself, wow, they’re working overtime to make this guy something he’s not. I wonder who’s going to buy it. The answer: everyone who wasn’t alive then, and many who were but weren’t paying attention at the time. Again: 3 heavily distorted chords, mostly overshadowed by the type of clothes worn, the general angsty woe-is-me feel of the lyrics, and the love affair of (who else?) the media. That’s the very definition of "overrated. And the legacy of Nirvana.

Number 5 Most Overrated Musical Act of All Time: "Christian" "Music"--The Entire Sub-Genre

There are philosophical problems as well as aesthetic ones here. By creating a category of “Christian music,” marketers helped to further ghettoize American Christians from the broader culture, and helped to create a permanently fundamentalist mindset that abhors art and only consumes product. The idea that music must be didactic is a particularly odious, Hegelian, utilitarian idea that should be locked in a vault with all Chris Tomlin master tapes and set on fire. Though they weren’t the only ones, the band Stryper was one of the biggest early offenders in the genre. Worse than the “We can ape legitimate rock and roll” perspective was the spandex and hair. For whatever reason, Stryper did not choose to copy Hendrix, Zeppelin, Clapton, or any other of the wildly successful actual creators of music known to the time. Instead, they went the Ratt-Poison route, which was the laughingstock of the music world pretty much immediately. So not only were they derivative—they were derivative of the worst that marketing departments could offer. The rest of CCM has traveled this well-worn route: “We can look and sound like these guys over here, but what we do is practical, utilitarian and didactic! Bonus!” The gauzy, hagiographic haze of nostalgia for 80s derivations does not add one iota of quality to any of these acts.

There is no new “genre” here; it’s pop music, plain and simple. Regardless of whether it’s “hard,” “soft,” or (particularly odious) “praise and worship,” CCM is a sub-genre, and not a particularly good one.  It is already well-documented how this sub-genre is anything but “Christian,” lacking as it does theological depth and truly beautiful writing, and it’s certainly not “music.” Anyone who thinks God likes this stuff obviously hasn’t spent much time considering the significance of the fact that God is the Original and Supreme Artist—the One Who created something “good” and “beautiful.” It was The Other Guy who could only make cheap knock-offs. Like all overrated musical acts, CCM barely plays any music at all. They are formulaic and centered on style;  they can barely spell “substance,” but hundreds of thousands of evangelical kids have always felt that they weren’t being left out of the cultural sphere of the US because of them. An aesthetic ghetto has formed, and these kids are too happy to be part of it. But the acts themselves are a triumph of niche marketing, rather than artistic excellence. For most of the entire half-century they’ve pranced across stages, poor Larry Norman was no doubt face-palming himself at the behemoth he inadvertently created.

Overratedness Rating: 6/5 John Mayers

Number 6 Most Overrated Musical Act of All Time: Van Halen (Sammy Hagar version)

Ok, we Gen-Xers get it. David Lee Roth was an impossible buffoon (see yesterday's post regarding “vocalists”). He was difficult to work with, and made decisions that adversely impacted the success of Van Halen. But kicking him out and replacing him with Hagar did not work, regardless of how many marketing articles portrayed the situation otherwise. It’s like replacing the first Darren with the second Darren on Bewitched. It didn’t fool anyone, and the original was better. We guitar players love Eddie Van Halen, but his unfortunate flirtation with synthesizers helped to bring about the end of the band, which technically happened the moment David Lee Roth slinked away in his ridiculous tights. When Sammy Hagar was the Red Rocker, he played a decent guitar, couldn't drive 55, and generally rocked our socks off. When he tried to replace David Lee Roth, the result was similar to sewing a new patch onto an old garment. He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.

Overratedness Rating: 1/5 Miley Cyruses

Number 7 Most Overrated Musical Act of All Time: The Rolling Stones

Please. The most musically talented member of this band died at the bottom of his swimming pool in 1969. The fact that the other hangers-on were able to keep this monstrosity rolling for the next 50 years is a testament to marketing (the ultimate culprit in any “overrating”). When three generations of teenagers are told by FM radio DJ’s that the Rolling Stones is an “important” band, they swallow this nonsense whole. But everything about the band is derivative: from the name to the songs to the concept to the performances….as a general rule, if your job in a band is to stand there and sing—no instrument, just a vocalist—know that your band is adjudicated a notch below all real bands from that point. After all, the contempt that musicians have for prima donna vocalists is unmatched in the artistic world. And if you sing as poorly as Mick Jagger, you deserve all the aesthetic contempt you can garner. 

Overratedness Rating: 5/5 Miley Cyruses