Hey "Conservative" "Christians"....Stop it.

It has been said that “only Nixon could have gone to China.” In the spirit of that axiom: since I am a conservative who is also a Christian (or a Christian who is also a conservative, depending on which perspective raises your blood pressure more), I feel I might possess the credibility to critique my brothers on the Right. And a critique is, I fear, necessary.

At first glance, you and I seem to be the same: we believe in Jesus, we affirm the authority of the Bible, and we don’t trust Democrats under any circumstance. And yet, every time you feel the need to express yourself politically in the public sphere, I find your observations cringeworthy. Why is this? Is it because I am a spineless RINO who doesn’t love his country? Is it because I’m a closet atheist who finds your faith distasteful? Not at all, friend. I am an unapologetic conservative who is not afraid to proclaim the gospel of Christ with every breath I take. Rather, I argue that you are not conservative—nor, for that matter, particularly Christian. When you say idiotic things on social media like “we need a King David” or “when will our country turn back to Jesus” or “vote for Mike Huckabee,” you reveal an ignorance about the history of the United States that is commensurate with the morons who lapped up the pro-Obama Kool-Aid that the media was doling out in 2008 and 2012. Before you burn the Wheels-Off Theologian in effigy, allow me to do something you NEVER do: walk you rationally through my reasoning.

Reason #1: YOU ARE NOT CONSERVATIVE. The definition of the term “conservative” is not up for subjective debate; in the general discourse about political theory, it is the tendency to preserve the status quo of First Principles. If you believe in preserving the status quo of First Principles, you are a conservative. If you believe that those were wrong and should be changed, you are a modern liberal. You and I both agree that the Democrat Party (post-1972, anyhow) has largely bought into the fallacious and demonstrably false narrative that America is a terrible place of institutionalized racism, selfishness, greed, and genocide. This hysteria doesn’t deserve to be taken seriously, although many in the media and on Facebook appear to believe that it does. You and I, however, both know that America is an exceptional place that was designed to be different from all others—and indeed is. But in what ways?

This is where you have bought into an equally false historical narrative: that this was originally a Christian nation. Read my lips, Dobsonite: this country was NOT set up to be a Christian nation. In fact, the signers of the Declaration of Independence were largely Deist (which is heretical—for those of you in Oklahoma, that means “not Christian”). Rather, the Framers of our nation were intimately familiar with the dangers of a governmental system built on one faction’s definition of “Christian;” that’s why their ancestors fled to these shores to begin with. You might have to dig deeper than your church’s voting guide, but if you do you’ll learn pretty quickly that this was set up to be a pluralistic nation. That is, our system is designed to guarantee the safety of any citizen, regardless of belief. That’s why Americans are comfortable voting for a teetotaling agnostic racist like Woodrow Wilson, or a (Protestant) Christian like Ronald Reagan, or a (Catholic) Christian like John F. Kennedy, or a non-Christian like Mitt Romney. If this is a “Christian” nation run by ANYONE other than Jesus Christ Himself, then we’re all in trouble….because, as all Christians confess, we are fallen and broken, and cannot fix ourselves. Ergo, we cannot be trusted with power. It is the “progressive” who believes that we are basically ok and can be trusted to figure it all out with a better bureaucracy. When you wish for a country whose government mandates your faith, you are occupying the exact same asinine position that progressives do—they just have a different religion.

The conservative understands this and doesn’t trust an individual with much political power; First Principles dictate that power is disbursed from the central to the disparate; our Framers didn’t want a strong central government; that’s why they hamstrung this one with the 10^th Amendment (any power not specifically given to the feds goes AUTOMATICALLY to the states—you know, like the privilege of issuing licenses of any sort). When you pine for a “King David,” you demonstrate either ignorance of this First Principle, or outright rejection of it. We don’t need a “King” ANYTHING. We don’t believe in kings. We are the governing authority in a Republic; not some Dude. If you’ll recall, this is what’s wrong with the Obama Administration: the belief that it is above the law and can issue edicts (overturning Prop 8, ignoring Arizona immigration law, weighing in on racially tinged news stories before they have made their rounds through the legal system, leaning on the Supreme Court to usurp legislative power). The only King Who will do a good job is the King of Kings, when He returns to reign. Until then, utopianism of any hue only results in tyranny—and the murder of the innocents.

If you were a conservative, you would argue forcefully and consistently for a pluralistic society in which a Christian (and everyone else) is free to exercise his choice of faith without political consequence. Like you, I am uncomfortable seeing Kim Davis in jail (as opposed to being fired or suspended)—but that’s not because she shares my religion. It’s because I am conservative. The Framers would have been horrified to see this sorry episode, because the notion of religious liberty exceptions has been codified into the rule of law in this country since the very beginning. Leave it to Orwellian “progressives” to re-cast such exception as “proselytizing” instead of “exception.” Don’t line up with them.

And what of the issue of gay marriage? Like you, I am opposed to the Supreme Court decision—but, again, not because of my religious faith. Rather, I oppose it because I affirm First Principles—the right of the people to be governed by the rule of law, which always has its genesis in the legislative branch of the government. It’s the liberals who love the tyranny of the judiciary (until you remind them that Dred Scott was also a majority opinion—that got overturned by the people in an Amendment). I don’t like the idea of 5 people in robes writing law for the rest of us. If their edict had somehow been friendly to Christians, I would be just as vehemently opposed to it. Where there is tyranny, life is devalued. And as a Christian, I must place the highest possible value on human life. The Framers envisioned a country in which the states could make such laws for themselves; if you are a conservative, learn this and live by it.

Your failure to understand First Principles and vote according to them is what makes you NOT conservative. In fact, you are more accurately described as a “theocratic populist.” That’s worked out really well for Iran, by the way. Stop taking the title “conservative” in vain…..until you learn what one is.

REASON #2: IT IS POSSIBLE THAT YOU ARE NOT EVEN CHRISTIAN. No, I’m not talking about the nebulous “concern for the poor”—only a moron would fail to recognize that government paternalism hasn’t helped the poor, but has further harmed it, stripped the poor of dignity, devalued their lives and contributions, and been a cynical ploy to buy votes. If anyone really cared about the poor, the FIRST thing they’d do is stop voting for Democrats. But the ignorant cannot be swayed by evidence—mountains of which are readily available to any interested party.

No sir, I’m referring to your poor anthropology. You actually TRUST a Santorum or Huckabee to be different from the others? You REALLY think that a believer in Christ can be trusted with political power more than another? One of the oldest orthodox understandings of Christian anthropology is the affirmation that man is born totally depraved and totally unable to do anything about it (Augustine). Remember, it’s the drum-circle-attending Commies who think we’re “born right the first time.” Why do you suddenly change your mind when it comes to your political candidates? When you are voting for your congressional candidates, do you imagine them wielding great power for the cause of Christ? Or do you just roll into the Presidential elections every four years and hope that a wave of Jesus-y feeling sweeps the elections and we can be returned to greatness?

There is no doubt that God blessed our great nation. But one thing that made our nation great was our Framers’ understanding that because man CAN’T be trusted with centralized political power, any just government must seek to mitigate the resulting damages caused by the wielding of power. That’s why the over-arching value of our country was never “equality” (see: “French Revolution” for how that turned out) but “liberty.” Our Constitution guarantees the God-given liberties of individual citizens (or used to before the Supreme Court changed its mind on that). The Christian understands that.

He also understands that “rights” aren’t defined as “stuff I want.” Remember: that’s how Democrats think. Despite the careful, 12-year-long process of our Founders to deliberately elucidate the specific rights of its citizens, liberals are constantly feeling that anything they want this week should be a “right.” This has led to a slippery slope in which the murder of innocents is a “right” (Roe v. Wade, 1973), or the tenuous belief that a person has a “right” to an education. Liberals didn’t learn the lessons of high school civics class, but that’s no reason for Christians to join them in the Dunce Corner.

If you are Christian, you should have a healthy mistrust of humans holding political power. You should mistrust your government. You should never EVER see it as your Provider or your Husband or Father or Helper.  And you CERTAINLY shouldn't want to trust the government to be the visible hand in the arena of trade, which always results in instability and eventually tyranny (I'm looking at you, Huckabee). You should see it as a necessary evil that has one job: to protect individuals from each other. Stop claiming to be Christian while trusting some guy with too much power. A real Christian is a real citizen….voting in off-year elections, caucusing, being a good citizen. The definition is NOT “showing up every 4 years to post a bunch of ignorant Facebook memes that fail to affirm proper Christian anthropology.” Your "hero" is not a candidate but the Messiah. Conflating the two is what Democrats do (see: Election of 2008).

REASON #3: YOU ARE IGNORANT OF OUR SYSTEM. This goes especially for you geniuses who pitch a big fit when your pet candidate doesn’t get nominated in the primary—and you respond by staying home. As all election observers and compilers of data now know, this is the primary reason President Obama is not now “One-Term President Obama.” The conventional media wisdom is that the country is now liberal—until they are faced with polling data that shows that Americans are still overwhelmingly Center-Right (and not even in close numbers). When the uber-squish Romney was nominated, many so-called “Christian conservatives” just stayed home. Romney won the coveted “independent” vote by a mile…..his statistical numbers of “conservative” voters simply never materialized. There were less of them in 2012 than there were in 2008….despite the continued polling that suggests that they exist and are angry. I’ll spell this out for those of you in Oklahoma: when “Christian” “Conservatives” threw their little rebellion fit against the GOP in 2012, they became just as responsible for unconstitutional executive orders, the continued funding of Planned Parenthood, the sophomoric foreign policy that promises to get all of us killed sooner or later, and the excesses of the Supreme Court. Don’t forget, also, the current spectre of John Boehner and Mitch McConnell practically wetting themselves over the possibility of presenting the currently lame-duck President with any meaningful legislation…..if you had just showed up in 2012, how would it all be different right now? Heck, if you’d showed up in 2008, our housing values might have made a comeback by now. Your ignorance of our system hurt us all—every bit as the whims of the anti-GMO-whining, Vespa-driving Barack-tards.

Allow me to re-educate you on the system designed by our Framers: you get two chances to make your voice heard—once in the primary with your favorite candidate, and once more in the general election with the lesser of two evils. This is how it’s DESIGNED, people. You don’t really change that by staying home and pouting. All you really do is hurt your countrymen. There are more of us than there are of the “progressives;” you hand them even more power when you remain silent as a majority.

I know this is a lot to read, “Christian” “Conservatives.” But a good citizen must be well-read (not like liberals). Thanks for plowing through this. Now, remember: If you are a Christian and a conservative, you must affirm the rule of law. We are governed not by the whims of the majority, or the flavor-of-the-week issue that the media whips everyone into a frenzy about. We are governed by the rule of law, people. And stuff that erodes that is NOT conservative.

I don’t hold out much hope for my “progressive” friends to understand much of this. It would require a complete rejection of the ridiculous history revisionism they love (such as Zinn), as well as a challenge to their belief that man is basically good and decent and just needs a little more political power to rule intelligently. But I have hope for you, “Christian” “Conservative.” You have a sense, however vague and ill-defined, that those folks are wrong and are hurting our country. You’re absolutely right; they are. But until you put down your Pat Robertson action figures and pick up a copy of the Constitution and Federalist Papers and the Declaration, your theocratic populism is ALSO hurting our country.

It’s liberals who base a political stance on their own utopian view of the world, coupled with their over-weening confidence that man is capable of achieving it. It’s liberals who formulate political opinions based on emotions and a vague sense of “fairness,” as though we’re all in kindergarten (which is where most of their history understanding originated). Conservatives don’t do this…..so when YOU do, you need to understand that you’re not being “conservative.” A good citizen needs to read these documents and learn from them and affirm these First Principles in order to be a conservative. And a Christian SHOULD be a good citizen.

Back away from that view of politics that seeks a savior in a candidate. Back away from that knee-jerk reflex that only someone who shares every aspect of your faith is adequate as a candidate. Back away from that theocratic/populist view that a Jesus-y candidate will turn us all into a Jesus-y nation. When you invest that much trust in a human being, and fail to affirm First Principles, you betray true Christianity—AND conservatism.

Stop it.