10. Classes in Goat Herding, Hog Slopping, Cow Tipping and
Line Dancing will come in handy when dealing with Al-Qaeda.
9. Constant blaring of Tim McGraw’s “Truck Yeah” would bring
enemy to their knees in desperate surrender.
8. “Dueling Banjos” from Deliverance
would be new national anthem
7. Governor’s promise of “two squirrels in every skillet”
would ensure economic prosperity
6. An OU grad can fashion a spit cup out of a beer can in
seconds while watching NASCAR.
5. New administration cabinet Position: Department of
Trailer Park Development.
4. Inability to spell “Sooner” is irrelevant to world
domination—oops, that’s for “Why Texas A & M Grad Should Achieve World
Domination.”
3. The horrific sight of a butter-eating, liquor-swilling
female OU grad would frighten the enemy into submission.
2. That Idiotic Bob Stoops Hat. Enough said.
1. Annual embarrassment at being from Oklahoma would keep nation
humble.
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